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The Year Through Song: “An Animal House Isn’t A Home”

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To satisfy some posts, I’m going to put up the first of a series where I relate my year through songs. I have so much material coming down the line, but I’m a pretty important guy now and don’t have the time to chronicle every moment of my life like I used to. Expect more posts as I get time, which should be more in the coming weeks. Until then, here’s a start to the series of my year’s experiences through songs.

“My Michelle”- Guns and Roses http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18dBU55S6P0

runner up: “Biochemical Equation”- Wu Tang Clan (dubstep remix) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGYeyeSZqtM

Until this year, I didn’t really “party” too much. There were a few reasons for this. For one, I was on campus. I also was sort of prevented from doing so by my ex-girlfriend. I mean people always tell you “oh, you can go if you want, I’ll just do something”, but you know what that really means unless you’re an idiot- “Do you not want to be with me? Is a party or your other friends more important than me? Can’t you go some other time?” You know the subtleties and what each one means. So those two things kept me inside on most Friday nights or doing something not so social, along with a genuine desire to just relax on some occasions, I admit. I’m okay with that, I appreciated the time I spent and the things I did, but after a while I got antsy and felt like I was missing out. I needed to put my hand on the stove to know what hot felt like. So, at the start of this year, I decided to actively pursue going to parties and do new things, mainly because it’d be a good exercise in seeing what kind of person I am. I’d go to a party or try doing something even if I wasn’t really feeling like it, because I felt like I had missed a lot of chances to make friends and see/do interesting things in the past, and it was owed to me. I “deserved” to overindulge myself and I needed the “data” so I could understand things in the future.

This whole choice eventually got to be a bit too much. I got it in my head to unnecessarily push my limits, just because I wanted that feeling of accomplishment, like the one you get from checking an item off your grocery list (it was about as exciting, if not less in some cases.) Booze, substances, ladies, reckless behavior- I almost enjoyed living an immaterial and superficial existence, which totally contradicts my core beliefs. Sometimes it got to points where others might call the behavior self destructive. Luckily, my will was strong enough to know the whole time what was going on and I was able to pull myself out of this rather easily after I felt I had gathered enough “data” for myself. It sounds completely stupid, but it was sort of worth it in the end. By going through some things, I feel I’m stronger in the convictions I previously held. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, as cliche as that sounds.

I picked these two songs because they exemplify the total descent into hedonism and self destruction, even though I wasn’t quite doing anything too abnormal. “My Michele” I first heard on a skate video back when I was younger, and it word for word expresses (some time too accurately) these experiences in sum. The second song I heard at a party (ironically), and typifies the same. I enjoy being social and trying new things and being a little crazy- that’s one thing I learned about myself in this “experiment”- but I also learned my limits and honestly grew more self-disciplined. I can actually have new experiences and socialize better and healthier now, and my desire for harmful behavior isn’t there.

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Written by dstclaire

May 15, 2011 at 7:12 pm

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