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I Got an Internship Writing Fortune Cookie Notes. They’re All Lies.

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I’m a member of the Flying Saucer’s UFO club and that explains a lot about my life right now to be honest.

The Flying Saucer is a bar downtown with a vaguely Germanic/Nordic flair to it. Cute girls in short plaid skirts take your order for one of the 200+ beers available at any given time. On the walls are these gold plates with people’s names and witty sayings: “Carpe Beerium”, “All the Rum’s Gone”, “I’m with stupid”, and every other tired slogan someone somewhere thinks is ingenious. You get one of these plates by joining the UFO club and drinking 200 of those various beers. I figure “what the hell” and forked over twenty bucks to get a T-shirt and the chance to destroy my liver. Last night, I’m casually sipping number 186 with my roomie when I bum into an old friend from the early years of the skate club. He tells me how he loves the blog- that what I have to say is so insightful and raw. I’m always surprised just to hear anyone reads it, let alone that they like it. I figured I need to update it, so, here I am, writing a quick post with a pimento cheese sandwich sitting in my belly soaking up beers 188-185. I still haven’t thought of what I want to go on my plate. That’s serious stuff too- it’s pretty much the only goal I have in life at the moment. It’s a more worthwhile goal than many of the ones I hear other people have.


There have been some changes since the last post. I’m now (mostly) a vegetarian, I work at a bar called the Busy Bee on the weekends to make extra money, and I’ve bought lots of shit I don’t really need off of the Internet with that extra money.

I think it’s not so much the actual item we like getting in the mail, it’s the act of waiting for something. We’re guaranteed to have our patience rewarded. We know the end result of our virtue won’t be in vain. We get a knock at the door and someone wants us to sign for something- it’s a taste of being a celebrity without the pressure. It’s about as thrilling a feeling you can get these days.


The other day, I pick up my tips from the bar. I do this on Monday because I volunteer at a place near Busy Bee and I have a break for lunch. I like watching the businessmen while I eat my veggie sandwich or spring roll- it’s the closest thing you have to bird watching in Raleigh. You can tell which ones are more important by the color of the tie on their chest- just like birds.

I walk through Moore Square on my way back to the volunteer place. Moore Square is where the homeless in Raleigh hang out during the day and it’s pretty stupid to walk through here with 150 bucks cash in your back pocket but I’ve never claimed to be smart. It’s worth the potential mugging. I’ve seen guys in FUBU jerseys preaching the Gospel, girls beat each other up, and a guy try to fight a lawnmower here. Today, the weather is overcast and windy. It’s just the right temperature too- if you think hard enough it can feel cold or warm, depending on what you want. It reminds me of the beach. If you don’t think too hard, the buses sound like waves crashing and the car horns sound like sea gulls. I imagine the water is just behind the parking deck, that I could climb up to the top and dive in and swim to the NC State Bell Tower. I pick up one of the Ice House tall boys lying on the ground next to a sleeping homeless man to see if I can hear the ocean, but all I hear is crying.


At work, I sneak into the refrigerator when I need a break. It’s cold in here obviously, so I try to stay in as long as I can, sort of like a reverse sauna. One day, while I was resting against an industrial size block of cheddar cheese, I come up with an idea. Hallucinate with ideas is a better phrase to use actually. I decide that I’m going to try and make this hallucination a reality because I have nothing else to do besides dodge work in a refrigerator, so I enlist a few others that vibe the idea, teach myself various job skills by watching YouTube, and get to work the following weeks. You’ll hear about it soon, but I can say it’ll be the biggest thing I’ve ever thought up thus far- bigger than this blog, bigger than the HYPE Collective.

I came up with this cool little saying too: “Failure is the raw material of success.” That’s fortune cookie material.


That’s all I want to write now.

Listen to This: “Coast to Coast”- Elliot Smith, “Lay Down (Candles in the Rain)”- Melanie, “Murderers”- John Frusciante, “Mother”- Danzig


Written by dstclaire

April 24, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Posted in Fiction, Non-Fiction

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